Every creative endeavor ultimately faces the conflict on whether or not to destroy a favored bit that holds a special significance to the author - Stephen King calls them Murdered Little Darlings because as attached as you may be to them they will undoubtably end up cut out of the final product. They may be the idea, or shot, or dialogue that incited creative inspiration and led to an entire piece of unique work, but for some reason when you remove that element from the final piece it just works better.
That being said, I'd like to share some Murdered Little Darlings from Love in the Time of Monsters! This is all material that has been cut out of previous drafts so, you know, it's spoiler-free.
When Marla and Carla first drive to Slavko's, they narrowly avoid driving into Chester:
Damn twin woman drivers!
The car squeals off as Chester recoils. He shakes his fist after it.
I saw them, with my hawk eyes.
Marla's earlier response to first seeing Uncle Slavko's All-American Family Lodge:
Ech, it’s like Dollywood’s abortion.
We all loved Counterman James K. Polk but he just got in the way of moving the story along. I'd still like to focus on him for a webseries or viral marketing, though - episodes of his story during the Night of the PsychoMonkeys!
INT. LODGE LOBBY
Marla and Carla carry their bags into the front lobby. They approach the counter and set their bags down. The COUNTERMAN looks up to them - he’s dressed like James K. Polk.
Welcome to Slavko’s All-American
Family Vacation Ranch, where fun-
time is all the time, every time.
Are you here for the Pop-Culture
Weekend, the -
Who are you? Dressed as?
I’m James K. Polk. Are you here
for the Pop-Culture weekend, the -
Who’s James K. Polk?
He was a president.
I thought he was a banker.
You’re thinking of Carnegie.
You idiot, Carnegie was in oil.
I thought he was in steel.
Carnegie was man of steel, head to toe.
The girls give him a look for this awkward comment.
Now you’re thinking of Carnegie.
Marla and Armando meet for the first time:
INT. LODGE BAR
Marla gets up to leave, but a drink is immediately placed in front of her. It radiates romance. She reads what is written on the napkin - “Mi corazon. Amour. En fuego. - Armando”. She looks up to Armando.
Wow. Those are powerful words.
I felt they expressed what I feel.
Yeah, I felt that. How come you just
started talking to me now, when I’ve been
here a good, oh, 20 minutes?
I am ashamed to admit, it was because I
had to choose those words. That took
about 18 minutes.
Hmm. You seem like a well put-together
young man, let me ask you something. Do
you think you could handle, on a sexual
field, a woman just like ... that one
She points to a big-boned Midwestern tourist woman.
Yes. Yes I can.
Well, then light my cigarette.
In earlier drafts the cast spent a bit more time partying at the lodge before the monsters, you know, attacked:
AUDITORIUM - LATER
The auditorium stage explodes with light and tropical drums as BIG KAHUNA - 30yo, hunky bod, strong jaw, great teeth, slick hair, all man - starts to sing and dance.
Well I’m the Big Kahuna and I’m
here to party down/Well I’m the Big
Kahuna and I’ll take y’all to
rock’n’roll town!/ etc...
Two strippers, JADE and CRYSTAL, dance with him. The auditorium is filled with the vacationing parents, all sipping fruity tropical drinks and smiling and dancing to the music. Carla and Marla are in the crowd - Marla eyes Big Kahuna’s pelvic thrusting.
Oh, I like him!
Russell and Linda Delaney are also in the crowd - Russell has a can of Schlitz in lieu of a tropical drink.
What did they do with our kids again?
EXT. CAMPFIRE - MEANWHILE
Clyde is dressed like an Indian and dancing on a stage lit by two large campfires. His audience is the children.
Hey, how are ya?/Hey, how are ya?
The other camp counselors sneer at him from offstage.
BACK - NEXT
Big Kahuna and the girls finish the show, complete with sparklers and streamers.
. . . so remember the good times
here, and don’t forget to come back
soon! Go with God and love your
neighbors, because we’re all
brothers and sisters in this great
- my country, tis of theeeeeeee!
The show ends - lights come up and people begin to file out. Marla turns to her sister.
Where are you going?
Back to the room, probably. I was
thinking of taking a bath.
Alright. Well, don’t wait up.
Why would I wait up?
You don’t need to be a bitch about it.
I know. I’m sorry.
They hug, then leave.
Yes, that's how I still think sisters and to a greater extent all women talk to each other.
Finally, Act 1 culminates with the PsychoMonkeys' attack on the Lodge, and Agatha does her managerial best to control her employees:
Agatha turns back and sees Bud and Wes barreling down upon her. She throws down her clipboard and puts up her fists.
Alright boys, let’s learn you some
respect - angry Jersey Polack-style!
This last bit was probably my most Darlingest MLD, as Agatha is indeed an angry Jersey Polack.
Thanks for reading, and I'd just like to remind you again that these scenes are no longer in the movie - they've been replaced by stuff that sucks less.
(Just to cover my ass, all content on this page is copyright Golem Pictures 2011. Especially the Dollywood's abortion line)